Thursday, May 17, 2012

Letting Go and Holding On

A gentle but strong nudge awoke me. It was 2:00am. My body was telling me this would be the day. I showered and rested for the struggle that lay ahead - rested, until I could rest no more. As the sun rose on the new day, my eyes beheld for the first time, God's most wonderful of all creations, a newborn baby, my baby. My arms held you close. My heart vowed to never let go.

          As the days passed by, I held you in my arms until you wriggled free. You toddled along and voiced your new found independence.  "I do it myself," was your battle cry.  And so you did.

      You dressed your dolls, then yourself. You tied your own shoes. You packed your own bag. You chose your own friends. You chose your own style; yet, when you needed someone to reassure you, you chose me. I held you in my arms. My heart vowed to never let go.

        Again, you pressed on with this insatiable desire.  At times I could not understand it, but it was always there, the desire to move on. At first it looked like a color page. The horse would be blue and the tree would be red. I learned not to correct but to allow you to be creative. Later, this desire showed itself in the way you dressed. Instead of black flats, you chose tennis shoes. Instead of dresses - blue jeans. I was OK with that. You were not me and never would be.

      Still, there were times you needed my input. Sometimes you only wanted to talk. I had to learn that it was OK if you heard my ideas, but chose to go another route. I had to learn to let go.

     This morning, it was a gentle nudge that awoke me, a  little nudge at my heart. "This is the day," came the whisper. You will walk proudly across the stage and we will hand you that little piece of paper that says, "You've done well. Your school days are over. We are letting go." But my heart will never let go.

 Congratulations Brooke! I am so proud of you. It has been such a privilege to be your mother, and your teacher. You have become such a fantastic young woman and I am excited to see where you will go from here. Letting go - I must! But that never means I will not be here, holding you in my heart.

                          ~I love you,

1 comment:

Jan said...

Beautifully written! I know those feelings well! Congratulations to Brooke and to you!

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